A ramble of my thoughts.

It is no secret that I use my blog as a bit of self therapy and I guess that is one of the reasons for this entry. As I have mentioned before I think that at my height of “unhappiness” with my weight and low self esteem I may have been nearing depression and withdrawing from so many aspects of what would seem to many as a happy and fulfilling life is testament to this. I attended a course today on supporting people in the workplace with Mental Health Issues. Contrary to popular belief mental health issues extend beyond Personality and eating disorders. While the whole day was extremely interesting I found the discussion on Depression to be most relevant to me. I asked the course facilitator how to differentiate between feeling sad as opposed to depressed. She summed it up by saying feelings of sadness come and go whereas depression is “sadness” all of the time. Bearing in mind of course that this was only a small component of the whole day. She said that depression was a combination of many factors but some of them are withdrawal, loss of self worth, lack of motivation to the point where you don’t want to get out of bed and you don’t want to achieve. Everything that she said rang true for me. During the morning tea break I explained my reason for asking her. At that point I explained that since I have been exercising and losing weight I have been more motivated, my self esteem has increased and I am no longer withdrawing from situations that I used to avoid.

It is fair to say that over the last few weeks I have slipped back into some old bad habits and I have lost focus. I have become complacent and I believe that this may be because of my injury but also because my self esteem has started to reduce. I have lost weight and yeah I am fitter but at the end of the day I am still overweight. Externally I am still the person that I was before even though I am (or I thought) I was feeling different.

I don’t believe that others can motivate you to exercise or eat healthily and that it really must be something you do for yourself. Messages of encouragement are nice and so is recognition, positive feedback can go a long way however change can only come from within.

My complacency worries me because clearly I need to do more. Funnily enough during the challenge I felt absolutely no pressure from anyone to achieve. Now though I find the pressure that I am placing on myself unbearable and at times stressful. As I have done for the last 7 months I constantly have healthy eating and exercise on my mind. I can’t think of anything else. It worries me because I am so consumed by my thoughts that the goal, my goal, is blurred and concern of failing myself and what I want to achieve is more apparent than ever.

I wanted to share this with you all because more than ever I have realised that weight loss is psychological whether it be positive or negative. If your mind is not right then you can never be successful in what you need to do.

Is 3665 a lucky number?

Guess who is fully registered and paid for the Canberra Times Fun Run? Me and I am number 3665. I registered for the 5km walk and thought that I should also order a hat as proof. :) Entering into such an event would never have occurred even in my mind during the last few years so that is an achievement in itself.

BOG and her boyfriend went overseas on Saturday. We calculated at work today that allowing for 2 days travel they would have only been in Turkey for 3 days. Imagine my surprise when BOG sent me a text last night saying that they have already been to the gym three times whilst being overseas. They also preordered all low fat meals for the plane ride. That is the kind of dedication that I really do admire.

Apparently it is supposed to be warm at the coast this weekend. I might try and get Pooks up early to go for a swim. Surely just looking at the water doesn’t count?

Have a great weekend everyone.

Where is Team Shell

Where is Team Shell I hear you all ask? Well she is here as always. I went to the physio last week as my knee was just starting to hurt more and more and I thought that it was about time someone looked at it. So I can tell you officially that yes my knee is damaged goods and will be sold as second hand goods. Seriously though there is damage (which I knew) and it seems that perhaps I shouldn’t have been running etc on it BUT I can do some other exercise such as walking swimming so that is what I am doing… I wont get the fast results that I have been getting because everything has slowed down a bit. I am going to have 6 sessions of physio and then after that it will either be good news or maybe need some surgery! Yikes…..

A friend sent an e-mail to a bunch of us asking if we would like to go in the Canberra Times Fun Run… There is a walk that is 5km.. .. I think that I might do it.. Why not really? If it is sunny I may even get a tan on my legs before summer comes… Oh and I will get some exercise as well.. :)

I am not really sure if anyone besides Fairy Godmother and Alison (and Pandora and Liz and Mandy) read my blog but if you do hiya! How exciting the days are getting longer and I can feel them warming up!

Oh by the way, word on the street is that Pooks and Mrs Pooks are going away this weekend. Pooks thinks that it will be a romantic getaway but Mrs Pooks has other ideas. Bike riding and canoeing and maybe some tennis!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and fresh seafood…. None of that battered crap thanks.

Happy Tuesday everyone. Can you believe that August is almost over already?

A weight loss challenge....again

Ok so a few of the freaks at my work have decided to have a weight loss challenge. Alright they aren’t really freaks. Since my work is geographically dispersed results and measurements will be recorded electronically and all communications regarding this challenge will be electronic – my how times have changed. I haven’t actually registered my name yet but am considering doing it. My initial thought was that I don’t know if I could “handle” another challenge.. My other thought was what a great way to see how I go by myself without all of the publicised support that I had before......

The thing that is troubling me most about it is the style of training that I do will obviously have to change with my knee restricting what I do. This time I will take the advice I have received seriously and not aggravate it and potentially cause more damage..

It sounds like a great idea.. I have to let them know by Monday.

PS That is me in the picture if you didn't know and yeah I took it of myself. :)

Am I one of the slackers?

I never thought that I would be one of those slack arses that Flames would have to call.. You know on their ad’s how they say they will call you? Well Latoya called me on Tuesday. I hadn’t been to Flames for 5 or 6 days. As you all know (and I know) I have still been exercising so I don’t feel guilty or anything. My knee has been killing me and I have found that gym work is just not helping it. Not only that I have mentioned to you all that I am looking for a bit more variety nowadays. Now that I can do more. It is true and I have to agree with them that the level of intensity in what I am doing outside of the gym is probably different BUT I will say that if I don't mix it up and do other things I will go out of my mind! Variety, variety variety…

So I went back to Flames yesterday. For some reason it was very quiet there. A lot of the regulars seemed to be away – or sleeping in.. I had a slight problem though. Don’t worry it didn’t affect my training at all but it did smell. I went to the pool before work on Tuesday and swam a km – more on that later.. Anyway so yesterday even though I had a shower at the pool I was still sweating out chlorine and it stank.. lol.. Lucky it wasn’t onions as well.

I went to the pool Tuesday as mentioned and swam a km. I only had 40minutes to do it in plus I wanted to do some running laps. It was good to go swimming. Swimming doesn't have the intensity of running on the treadmill for example but you know, I like it and I think that sometimes you have to just do the things that you enjoy to keep yourself going..

Who cares if walking your dog for an hour after work may not be the same intensity but exercise is exercise and it is all about moving, staying focussed but above all staying interested.

Who put all of their rubbish in my car?

If you want to have a really good workout I challenge you to clean my car out next time. Being a girl on the go my car builds up with my possessions. Over time though a lot of my stuff ends up in there as do many other mouldy things. Damp towels for instance always have a place in my car, as do empty drink bottles, make up, hair ties, gym clothes, old fruit, etc. I just cleaned my car out and it was disgusting! I shouldn’t even admit it but I have!

My Mum informs me that if I sprinkled dirt around mushrooms would have grown! How rude..

Anyway on to more serious things. Saturday and Sunday I felt sick. Really sick. Saturday evening we went to a friends house to watch a DVD (Flushed Away if you haven't seen it) and I took my own pillow and balnket. Mum said that at dinner last night I looked really pale and sickly and the only thing that I can think of is that I just didn’t drink enough water. No where enough water on the weekend. Drinking water really is the key to not only losing weight but healthier skin, hair etc. Sometimes it is hard to remember just how much water I have had and if it is enough. What is enough water and how much should I have per day? There are many different opinions and every expert has one. Who knows what the correct answer is but I do know if I don’t drink about 2-3L a day then I will end up with a headache at night. I find it easier to drink water at work as I have a drink bottle on my desk right in front of me all day.

You know how when you buy a coffee you can get the frequent visitors card? Well I have made one for my water intake just to make it a little interesting and to be aware of how much I have. The drink bottle I use at work holds 750mls so if I have two a day then I know I am on track. There is of course the water I have when I am at the gym. Funnily enough I hate icy cold water and prefer my water to come out of a tap. No fancy refrigerated water for me.

In summary I guess what I am saying is that you should do whatever it is that you need to do to make the right decisions. If it is a chart on the fridge with a star every time you exercise then do it, if it is a frequent water drinking card then do it too. Whatever you are doing has to be sustainable so you may as well make it fun!

A nice easy recipe for dinner tonight

Team Shell Chicken and Lemon Thyme

*This is my absolute favourite at the moment and we eat it at least once a week

Chicken Thigh Fillets – Probably not the best but I have found that breast meat dries out too quickly in this dish
Chicken Stock
Fresh Lemon
Bunch of Lemon Thyme
Minced Garlic
Minced Chilli ( I don’t buy fresh as it is more convenient in a jar)

Spray fry pan with oil
Brown both sides of chicken in Chill and Garlic
Pour in stock
Squeeze in fresh lemon juice
Chop up lemon thyme and put in
Put on low and leave to simmer away while you go and put a load of washing on

Serve with vegetables or salad (or rice or mash if you are being naughty) –

PS The lemon juice might be too over powering for some so just have the lemon thyme…

Bushwalking Babes

I have a secret list of all of the things that I want to do this year – things that I have done before and new things as well. One being bushwalking. Not a whole day in the bush just a nice walk through the bush. I had heard from some of the guys at work that Mt Ainslie was a good place to start. During the week I e-mailed some of my closest friends to see if they would be interested in coming with me. I didn’t want to ask just anyone because I still have some insecurities and didn’t want to be embarrassed puffing up a hill in front of people I didn’t know.

So anyway out of the 12 or so people I e-mailed there were only 3 of us. Some of the other slackers had very good reasons for not coming (like being 9 months pregnant, oh and one had a wedding dress fitting) but the others well, I know they read this so hopefully they feel really guilty.. ha ha! I think that I was a bit ambitious in saying that I wanted to walk to the top of Mt Ainslie. It doesn’t really look that big, ……..when you are driving past it that is.. The three of us stood at the bottom and decided that we would just go on one of the easier trails. Ok so let me just say that one of the girls has done a lot of bushwalking (hi Liz) and she is little and tiny and quite fit, the other girl (hi Jo jo) she is a PE teacher so she is fit as well. So I better rephrase that and say that I asked if we could go on one of the easier trails just to see what it was like.

We set off on the easy trail but we kind of lost sight of where it went to we did a bit of our own track. We only walked for an hour straight but it felt so much longer and I think that is because you aren’t continuously walking on a treadmill, one foot after another. Only one person fell over and it wasn’t me and it wasn’t Jo Jo… ha ha! At one point we were doing quite the cross country walk through the bush etc (well not bush really so I should say trees).

I won’t say that it was a walk in the park (ha! Get it?) but I did feel that I was actually working. I did lag behind at some parts but I think the fact that I even went and did it was the best part of all!

It was so nice being out in the fresh, windy air with the girls having a laugh and a giggle.

Do any of you have a secret list of things you want to do? You don’t have to tell me of course because then it wont be a secret but it sure makes it worth it knowing that you can continually achieve.

Now I can share him with all of you. :)

Technology is an amazing thing and to be honest I have never really understood or had a need to use a lot of the features on my mobile phone until I realised that there were a lot of pictures on there of our cat Sebastian. Anyway I had no idea how to get the photos from the phone to the computer and since I had thrown out instruction manuals and cables a long time I go I was starting to panic. I went to FoneZone in the mall today and a very helpful lady showed me a product that you can get to do all of that and more! Anyway brought it home and now I can see all of my photos of him on my computer..

On another note I haven’t exercised for 4 days and haven’t been drinking much water let alone eating properly. Life does go on and today I booked in my sessions for 5:30am for the remaining days in the week. I have also organised a bushwalk with my female friends for Saturday afternoon. A lot of us are “gym” fit and still get puffed in the real world so if anything it should be fun! I will try and get some photo's of the girls (not my girls but the girls going bushwalking.. lol).

Oh as a side note when I was at FoneZone the lovely lady also gave me a Canberra Raiders pack. Looks like Team Shell will have a new drink bottle at the gym tomorrow! Yippee.

Being loved unconditionally

Sometimes things in life are just unfair. They don’t make sense and no matter what you do you can’t change the situation. I have always loved cats and they will always be my first choice as a pet. My cat passed away yesterday. During my dark I times it felt like he was my only friend. Pets never judge you and they don’t care how you look. They don’t care how much room you take up in a bed as long as there is room for them. Sebastian was a different kind of cat. Even people who disliked cats fell in love with him. He would let babies that visited pull his tail and wouldn’t care. He would sit on my Dads lap when Dad came over to watch the footy. Whenever I watched TV he would lie on my side. I watched a lot of TV so we spent many hours together. He always slept with us. Quite often he would try and sleep on my pillow but he wasn't exactly small so he would gget put in between my feet. He was only 5 when he died so he still had a playful side to him. For some reason he loved playing in the bath (when it was empty of course). He probably scratched the shit out of the one in our old house but I didn’t care. He had a lovely shiny jet black coat and the most gentle of natures.

Pets become such a part of the family. As silly as it may sound to some I feel like a part of me has died with him. I am not liking being in my house without him around. Granted it is still early days but I will never forget a cat that loved me and everyone else unconditionally. I will cry my tears because I loved him and no one will ever take that away from me.

Pet or no pet Sebastian was the king of our house and I just hope that he knew that like I do.

Transition Phase

If any of you have or are about to embark on a drastic life style change then some of what I am about to say will make sense. Imagine this. It is the middle of winter, freezing bloody cold, you are overweight to a point where your life has just become a mere existence and you fear the future as you have let your weight and fitness get to a point where you are probably going to die if drastic action is not taken. Fast forward 12 months and you have been exercising non stop for the past 6 months, been watching what you are eating and your quality of life has improved by 100%. Things aren’t as much of a struggle as they used to be and you enjoy being outdoors. You enjoy your friends and family and you just enjoy waking up and seeing the sun… BUT in a funny reversal you now find the gym boring and want to get out and do the things outside that you haven’t done for a long time.

The situation above is obviously about me – aka Team Shell. I have had extensive conversations about this with people that I thought would know. Not the trainers at Flames but people in similar situations who have lost a lot of weight and completely changed their lifestyles. One guy at work summed it up perfectly. He said “What you are going through is a transition. The transition from exercising because you really, really need to lose weight to exercising as part of your lifestyle”. For me I thought that was a perfect description of what is going on. The gym feels really restrictive because I know what will happen next as they say, as I have been doing the same program for a few weeks. Some of the trainers are great and mix it up for you and others are not as imaginative. I guess I just want more. So that is what I am going to do. For the next two weeks I am dropping back to three sessions at Flames a week then two sessions on my pushbike or at the pool. I just want to see what happens.

I will let you all know how it goes of course. As I mentioned the other day, I have a whole new neighbourhood that needs exploring.